So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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