My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
