nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
