paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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