Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
