nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
