Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
