Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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