I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
