my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
