You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
