i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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