just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
