If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
