I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
