Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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