i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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