I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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