my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
