Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
