Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
