remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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