How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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