sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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