Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
