evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
