I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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