dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
