we have pet lesbian snakes
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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