It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
