don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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