if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
