we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
