I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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