The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
