It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
