You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
