dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We are two peas in an std pod
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
