Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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