i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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