And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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