you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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