Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
