She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
