im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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