Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
