Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
