Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
