I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
