I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
