All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
