I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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