Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
